I Forgot How Good I Was

There’s something that happens when you spend long enough in the wrong environment.

You slowly begin to question yourself.

Not overnight. Not because somebody tells you that you’re not good enough. But through the little things. The constant second-guessing. The feeling that your voice doesn’t matter. The daily battle between what you know is right and what is happening around you.

Over the past few months, I forgot how good I was.

That feels strange to write because for years I have been confident in my practice, my leadership and my ability to support children, families and teams. I spent years building strong relationships, developing practitioners and creating environments where people genuinely wanted to come to work.

I left because I wanted to grow.

I wanted a new challenge. I wanted to step outside my comfort zone and prove to myself that I could succeed somewhere new.

And I don't regret that decision.

Because even when things don't work out as we hoped, there is still something to learn.

Like many people, I heard:

"The grass isn't always greener."

"Everywhere is the same."

But I don't believe that.

Because I have worked somewhere that felt like home.

I have worked alongside people who became friends, not just colleagues. People who supported one another, celebrated together and genuinely cared.

When you have experienced that, you realise how important culture is.

Over time, I found myself becoming exhausted. Not because of the children, and not because of the work itself, but because I was constantly questioning my own judgement and fighting against my own values.

And somewhere amongst all of that, I forgot what I had achieved.

I forgot that I had led teams.

I forgot that I had supported families.

I forgot that I had built relationships.

I forgot that I had years of experience and knowledge.

Most importantly, I forgot that I am a good practitioner.

Today, I have returned to the nursery where I previously worked.

I am back with my old team, working as SENCo and supporting within the 2–3 room whilst our room leader completes her maternity leave.

Is my brain being challenged in the way I once imagined? Perhaps not.

But I am happy.

And sometimes happiness is the challenge we don't realise we need.

I am back doing what I love alongside people I genuinely enjoy working with. I am rediscovering the practitioner I thought I had lost.

I am remembering the relationships, the laughter, the teamwork and the reasons I joined Early Years in the first place.

This experience has taught me something important.

Career progression doesn't always mean moving upwards.

Success doesn't always mean a bigger title.

And going back doesn't mean you've failed.

Sometimes it means you've found your way back to yourself.

I don't know exactly what the future holds.

Perhaps leadership again.

Perhaps new opportunities.

Perhaps challenges I haven't even considered yet.

But for now, I know this:

I am happy.

I am valued.

I am part of a team that feels like home.

And I finally remembered something I should never have forgotten.

I am a damn good practitioner.