Week 2: The Wobble

Week two is done… and this one nearly broke me.

I’m not even going to dress it up — Tuesday, I had a full wobble.

The kind where you question everything, wonder what you’ve done, and for a brief moment consider just walking out and running away to join the circus.

It sounds dramatic, but in that moment, it felt very real.

Because what people don’t talk about enough is how hard it is to start again especially when you’re not new to the profession.

I’ve gone from being the person who knew everything, the routines, the children, the families, the expectations to suddenly feeling like I’m figuring it all out from scratch again.

And that’s uncomfortable.

This week has felt slightly easier on the surface. I’ve had better days. I’ve started to recognise faces, understand bits of the routine, and find small moments where I’ve felt more like myself.

But underneath that, there’s still this quiet question:

Is this the right fit for me?

Because alongside the settling in, I’ve become really aware of just how different practice can feel.

I’m a “let’s get outside, take risks, roll down a hill, get messy” kind of practitioner. I believe in children experiencing the world fully not just safely, but meaningfully.

And being in an environment that feels much more structured and controlled has been a challenge.

At times, it feels like everything is so carefully managed that it loses that sense of spontaneity that magic that happens when you follow the child, not the plan.

That doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

But it does make me stop and think.

Because settling in isn’t just about learning routines…

Sometimes it’s about figuring out whether somewhere aligns with who you are, not just what you can do.

For now, I’m still here.

Still showing up.

Still learning.

Still trying to find my place.

But also…Still listening to that little voice in the back of my mind.

Here’s to week three…